• God (Netjer, Tem) created the universe (or IS the universe?)
• Netjer also created the laws of the universe, of which we have a limited understanding
• Netjer works within the bounds of these scientific laws
• Netjer is so large as to be unknowable/incomprehensible to us
• Netjer expresses Itself as many Names: gods and goddesses that allow us to have a relationship with It (i.e.The One and the Many; monolatry) even though the Names Themselves are too big for us to truly understand
• I understand the different gods within other pantheons to be emanations of Netjer*
• Everyone has been created by one (sometimes two) Names, i.e. that (those) god(s) created your immortal soul, the undying part of you (your ba in the Kemetic tradition)**

To be continued, probably.

* – But god A in one pantheon is not necessarily analogous to god B in another. They are distinct, even though there may be cross-cultural or archetypal similarities.

** – I haven’t worked out that this means in terms of the belief within Kemetic Orthodoxy that everyone was created by a Name of Netjer. Not every faith has this belief or the ritual.

I’ve come across some posts from Hemet that go along way in addressing some of the spiritual malaise I’ve been feeling.

The first place I found it was from the Netjer & Ma’at and Ma’at & Personal Responsibility letters that I had the good fortune of re-discovering through someone else’s blog.

A couple of notes of interest (emphasis mine):

We do not have the luxury of omnipotent deities that are either pulling all the foreordained strings anyway, or will “fix it” for us. The gods and goddesses expect us to be responsible children and do what is right, so that the right will return to us and multiply and benefit everyone. Netjer does not intervene in the troubles of mankind not because It doesn’t care, but because It has, in Its wisdom, already provided a mechanism by which Its creation can ultimately check itself: the process of Ma’at.

Wehem: Netjer & Ma’at Shomu III, Week 2, Year 6

And yet:

…this also doesn’t mean Kemetic Orthodoxy has a naive worldview in which as long as we are faithful and “good” nothing bad will ever happen to us. Being children of Netjer, while the best gift we could ever expect to be given, doesn’t grant immunity from bad times; according to our mythology, even the Names of Netjer Themselves occasionally are affected by the unexpected or the sinister, in the form of the Nameless One, the Uncreated, which is outside the universe and therefore cannot be controlled by Ma’at. Occasionally, it may get in and disrupt, manifesting in “evil” in our lives and our societies.

Wehem: Ma’at & Personal Responsibility Shomu III, Week 3,  Year 6

I still have questions, but I’m a lot closer to the answer now that I’ve remembered to look for the answers.

The other issue that has been bothering me is why I feel such a disconnect from Netjer. Usually when it happens I end up realizing that I’m depressed. But I’m not. So why?

An answer came in a post from Hemet in response to some questions from another member of the temple. I can’t quote directly from that area, but to paraphrase, the relationships with the gods grow, change, get comfortable, or distant. The gods aren’t omnipotent, though they seem to be because they are so much more powerful and bigger than us. And silence from the gods isn’t a sign of being forgotten by them, they’re there even if I don’t notice.

I noticed a my posts went “A year without seut” to “The slide into agnosticsm” and I can tell you that is almost definately not a coincidence.

This is one of my favourite myths, and favourite holidays. The meaning, symbology, and story are just so magical and beautiful.

This song never fails to grab me. It reminds me of Wesir at the beginning, and that while things are fleeting, there are eternal things that are more important…and not to let the inconsequential things get in the way of them.

It’s after midnight here. It’s silent, a bit cold. Everything outside is thickly blanketed in snow. I happened on this song and it seemed like a message.

And now…eternity…

Be still now
I am with you
I am deep within you
You are at peace
You cannot be harmed
You will not suffer
Breathe deeply
Breathe in the healing love of the universe
And breathe out the sickness which has taken you
I am with you

It’s easy
It’s like breathing
It’s like a heartbeat
It’s easy

Have not betrayed your ideals
Your ideals betrayed you
What are you gonna do?

Your eyes will not close
Your tongue barely speaks
But I can still feel you

I can still feel you
So come, come relax,
Grin, let the changes in
Come on, come relax
Grin, let the laughter, let the laughter
Let the laughter begin
Well come on, relax,
Grin, let the changes in,
Relax, grin, let the changes in

Let the changes in
Come on, come on relax

Time is done
The sun has gone
It’s too late
Eternity has come

Wesir, the dead god who lives: everything in the ground is dead, but the potential for new growth still lives. Wesir is the force the of the black (fertile) land, and as Sokar-Wesir he is the potentiality for life that is inert, just before live is sparked anew.

Nebt-het, friend of the dead. The peace of the snow, the quiet hush that falls. The changed landscape. The harshness that is full of beauty.

Set, lord of chaos and changes. The routines that are spun like cars on ice, forcing us to reconsider how we normally do things. Car accidents and upset schedules and neighbours helping each other out.

I keep my beliefs to myself offline. My husband knows them, and I’m pretty sure my family is aware that I have “odd beliefs”. My friends are aware. My co-workers know I’m not Christian, but aren’t aware of my beliefs on a general or specific level.

I am lucky enough to have been able to travel to Tawy House for the 2005 Coronation Retreat, where I was able to participate in and watch some rituals. I have to say that before going there, I had a nagging little thought that saqu weren’t as real as I believed them to be, but in the moment when it happened, my only thought was this is real.

What I don’t know is: do the gods interact with us on the physical plane? If I pray to them for…say, a pony, can they make it so I get one? Or is it only important things, like “please god don’t let me die like this”? How would it be decided?

I believe that god/Netjer/Tem created the universe, and along with the universe created the laws of physics (as well as chemistry and biology, but shush), and that if Netjer operates within the physical world, it must follow the laws that it created.

I guess that I feel the trappings of my religion are…really weird sometimes. I wish sometimes that they were as easily accepted as Christian beliefs. I wish I felt comfortable enough to be “out” as Kemetic.

Alongside these thoughts, sometimes I wonder if Netjer is real. I do have serious doubts sometimes, my experiences in shrine and at the temple notwithstanding. Sometimes I feel like a real outsider everywhere: I don’t belong to the dominant religion, I don’t belong to the cult of atheism, and sometimes I feel like I don’t belong in my own temple.

I think a lot of this disconnect has to do with my lack of time to do senut and interact with my temple. If I’m not paying attention to the gods and spirits, why should I expect any in return?

Why should I expect the answers to…anything, really?

(My one great hope – well, second greatest hope: my first would be that my ideas and beliefs about the afterlife are true – would be that after I die, I finally get the chance to Have It All Explained.)

Maybe religion can be looked at as a journey, not necessarily the destination. So if it’s not true, and there is no Aset, no Beautiful West waiting for me, no Field of Reeds or Judgment Hall…nothing but the end of the chemical and electrical impulses keeping me alive…what of it?

Is my life enriched and expanded because of my religion? Do I live a better life, guided my beliefs? Is is a force for positivity and self-empowerment?

Then…would it still be “a waste” if it all wasn’t true?

I described this past year’s lessons as “boot camp for the body, mind, and soul” in my livejounral, and I still think that’s a pretty apt description. I learned some hard (and valuable lessons), and had more contact with Netjer than I ever had before.

I’m terrible for trying to keep things (Names, concepts) in boxes. It’s hard for me not to, and I think interacting with the Names outside of senut and its rituals helped with that. I don’t feel guilty, so much as I wonder what other intense experiences I’ve missed out on,

Over Wep Ronpet I reconsidered becoming w’abet-Aset. Originally I was pretty gung-ho about it after becoming a Shemsu-Ankh, but I came to a decision (upon waking one morning) that I didn’t think I that I’m cut out to be a w’ab priest. I got out of bed, tripped, landed in front of my shrine and was given the message:

You WILL become a w’ab. Obey.

Ummm…okay? I felt held down. I think one of my sisters-in-Aset (Merit) has had at least one similar experience with Aset, but holy crap, I sure haven’t!  Well, until this. I verbally gave assent that I heard the message. I think it was a squeak.

I await your acquiescence.

Again, it wasn’t words words that I “heard”.I’m not sure what will happen to me when/if that happens.

<Nisut_AUS> You have a Mother and Three Beloveds, Nekhtet!

At the time I was completely overwhelmed with having three Beloveds, heh.

I re-read the text of my divination, and there’s a lot in there that I had forgotten that is powerful. It struck me again how profound and meaningful the experience was.

Six years ago I came home, into the open arms of a loving community, and into a new relationship with my gods.

Dua Aset! Nekhtet!

Heru-wer has been on me for lessons that apparently my Mother is not getting through to me with. Truth be told, Aset has seemed quite distant this (Kemetic) year; Heru-wer, Nut, and Sekhmet have been at the forefront of things for me. Once this would have panicked me, but now I think I can take it in stride.

Heru-wer and Sekhmet are teaching me about strength of character/being strong/being who I am and prioritizing my life to be what I want it to be. Things have really come together over the past few weeks. I really started to ‘hear’ Them when I learned They sent me the netjeri. I definitely feel the birds when I’m being strong, and when I waver. I was told they were sent to ”keep me safe’. Originally my definition of “safe” was safe from physical harm, but I think they’re keeping me safe to grow, be strong, and be myself.

On just this side of sleep, when I’m more likely to get a message from Netjer Heru-wer told me He has been around to teach me to “use the backbone your Mother gave you” and “be more of Aset’s child”. I think I know what He means, heh.

Since Nebthet became a new Beloved, She nearly faded right off my radar. I was starting to have doubts about the divination; did She say yes simply because I asked? However, a few weeks ago I had what had to be one of the most intense experiences ever…from Her.

I remember Hemet describing Aset and Nebthet as “Super Intense Goddess #1 and Super Intense Goddess #2″, and yeah, Nebthet is “super intense”.