Things Wesir said last night & things Aset said this afternoon

I asked Wesir before falling asleep last night “why did Aset tell me to ask You about Odin?”

“We know about death and changes. You’re a child of changes. You can’t sit still. Everything has to change, or at least come around again. We both sacrificed for something more, and you have, and you will again. But there’s a better way that what you do sometimes. Odin can teach you some of his heka . (He didn’t use the work heka, it was something unintelligible.) You don’t have to. But He is there.“

And, on unrelated notes:

“We’re not just about death and dying. Cycles of life, changes, and growth are Our kingdom. We have more to show you than death.”

“Listen for a message from My Mother…She carries truth.”

Aset said:

“You want to have knowledge even when it’s going to hurt you. Truly, you want to know everything just for the sake of knowing. If you accept responsibility for the pain it may bring you, then you may have it. Don’t ask unless you want to know. Don’t ask if you can’t bear the burden without sharing.”

Upon thinking about my Ren:

“I know your true name. I know everything worth knowing. It’s Mine to keep for now. There may come a time when you need to have it, and you know who to go to for assistance.”

I think They’ve been more talkative in the last year than ever before in my life.

Year 15 thoughts

Obligatory year-planning post.

It’s odd/fitting that Heru-Wer is one of the Names of the Year. Ever since His saq, when He told me one of the bird-netjeri is from Him I’ve been getting to know Him a little better.And Set, well: I remember my terror at contemplating Him as one of my Beloveds when I was a beginner. But now I’m not scared of Him (as much!) anymore. I respect Him, He did threaten to “kick my ass” the other day.“If you won’t listen to Her, and you won’t listen to Our brother, trust Me; I’ll pay you a visit and kick your ass myself.”

Then He reminded me about His message from before (and Heru-Wer’s): respect.

It’s about you getting it, not just giving it. If they won’t give it then take it. Serves ‘em right.”

Uh, yes Sir!

This all happened while cleaning out a kennel at work. Such timing.

Anyways: plans

• Get the shrine room set up (yes – I have my own little room)
• Figure out a time to get W’ab training
• Do more senut
• Do more sau stuff
• Do more fedw
• Attend more fellowship stuff (online & off if possible)
• No more Beloveds! (heh.)
  
• Talk to my Akhu more
• Instead of bitching about what I don’t like, do something about it or at least try to set an example

Dream

I’ve been casually interested in Asatru for awhile, but the pull to it waxes and wanes. Last night I had a weird dream, that Odin wants….to talk to me, I think.

It started out with an old man who kept telling me “you are called to Odin’s Rite” and “you are called to the Odinrite”. I have no idea if there is a such thing, however.

There was also a raven that kept flying around my head. I said “you’re from Nebthet or Yinepu, They send me crows, too”. It just looked at me sideways and shook its head.

Aset came (as a Voice, not Herself) and said “I speak as the Amentet, seek out Odin and learn what He has to say to you. The raven is not from Us.” I said that I was Her follower and didn’t want to go to someOne else and She said “there’s nothing that can undo that, you are Mine first, then Theirs [meaning my Beloveds; somehow I knew this] forever. Speak to the King if you won’t go to Odin.” I questioned: Hemet? “No. Speak to Wesir, He knows some of what Odin does.”

I woke up abruptly. It was so vivid.

Why would Odin want to talk to me? I think I’ll start with Wesir – I certainly know Him better.

It’s weird though, Odin isn’t one of the Norse deities that I’m most interested in.

Bizarre.

She shines

Di ronpet Aset Webenut!

O, Aset
The Great, God’s Mother, Lady of Philae,
God’s Wife, God’s Adorer, and God’s Hand,
God’s mother and Great Royal Spouse,
Adornment and Lady of Ornaments of the Palace.

Lady and desire of the green fields,
Nursling who fills the palace with her beauty,
Fragrance of the palace, mistress of joy,
Who completes her course in the Divine Place.

Rain-cloud that makes green the fields when it descends,
Maiden, sweet of love, Lady of Upper and Lower Egypt,
Who issues orders among the divine Ennead,
According to whose command the One rules.

Princess, great of praise, lady of charm,
Whose face enjoys the trickling of fresh myrrh.

Great Speckled Hawk

Meeting Heru-Wer was amazing.

He answered the questions I’ve had about the two bird-netjeri that Sekhmet told me I have with me at the 2005 Coronation Retreat. He said one was from Him (?!) and the other from “the Red Lady” (Sekhmet). According to Him, they keep me safe.

I thought they were from Aset and Sekhmet, but that was just based on speculation. I’ve never really been able to figure them out. They told me they were around to “make me happy”, but that was two years ago.

I don’t know why I have two netjeri, and why those Names in particular would send them. Sekhmet, I can understand, but Heru? Though I have been wanting to get to know Him better…maybe He wants to know me too?

I’ve been trying to do more to get to know netjeri again. As a kid I’m sure that I communicated with them all the time, naturally. I could always tell the “personality” of trees, plants, flowers, hills, big rocks, ponds, etc. I spoke to them all the time. It’s something that I’ve lost the ability to do as easily as I once did.

Last time we took the dogs for a walk through the forest, my old friend Hemlock tree greeted me.
“Here we are…here we are…we don’t go away.”

I know, they didn’t go away. I did. They’re still there; I just need to bring myself to that place again.

January 22

For the last few years that I can remember, The Goddess of Heaven Goes South to the Road has fallen on my birthday. Now, I’m too mathematically-challenged and disorganized to figure out the calendar for 1979, but my best guess is that it’s likely I would have been rootnamed for Sopdet (Jan 22), Aset (Jan 19 “Aset is awakened by Ra”), Nit (Jan 20 “Feast of Nit”), or Heru-Shu, Amun, Ptah, Victory [Mekhir Festival], & Hethert (Jan 23; all except Hethert’s are 10-days feasts).

Or, my thinking could be completely flawed.

It’s just idle curiosity, but every year when I get the January calendar I check Who is in festival on my birthday

Establishing the Celestial Cow

Then this god said to Nut:
I placed myself on thy back to be elevated; what then?
So said he, and Nut became the sky.
The majesty of this god begged:
Be far from them and elevate me, that I may see (them) .
And the On High came into being.
Then the majesty of this god looked into her, and she said:
Make me into a multitude!
And stars came into being.
The majesty of this god, let him live , be safe and in good health, said:
Peaceful is the field here!
And Sekhet-Hotep (the Field of Peace) came into being.
Oh, I shall plant green herbs in it!
And Sekhet-Aaru (the Field of Reeds) came into being.

From the Book of the Heavenly Cow.

Today is the festival of Establishing the Celestial Cow, which is a festival of joy and thanksgiving. It marks the departure of Ra as King on Earth after the rebellion of man and their near-destruction at the hands of the Eye of Ra (Sekhmet), Hethert’s return to Kemet after Her wanderings in Nubia, and mankind’s fight against the enemies of Ra.

He ascended Nut as Mehet-Weret (the Great Flood; Nut as the Celestial Cow) beyond the sky. Nut, in turn becomes the vault of the sky. Because Ra has withdrawn from Earth, mankind is now able to die, so Ra created the Field of Peace and the Field of Reeds as an eternal afterlife for humanity, and a reward for fighting His enemies.

It’s a day to give thanks, gifts, and offerings. And of course to drink beer to Nut and Hethert: the two great Celestial Cows!

“meh”

When I’m depressed, I find it really hard to have a connection to Netjer. I used to think that it was because I was mentally or emotionally “impure” for Them, but I’ve come to realize that it’s not Them and it’s not me, it’s the chemicals (or lack therof) in my brain. I cannot feel Them, not because They’re not there, but because I can’t. Just like it’s nearly impossible for me to feel happy, content, capable, etc.

It’s just one more colour that depression takes away from me. It really bites, because this is a time when I need to feel Them, and I can’t.

However: I did get a visit from Yinepu last night. (Which is weird, because I actually physically felt it, although I was on the edge of sleep – it’s never happened to me before.) He’s a quiet one for me, but ever since I was a wee beginner in the House, He’s been the one who is able to pierce the darkness, thanks to Meresinpu’s guidance.

Conclusion: perhaps I’m going crazy, or the gods can find a way.

Depression is pretty much a constant in my life. It runs in my family, and I’ve suffered it for years. I have an extremely difficult time talking about it to people, so posts on my journals are about as much as I’m able to do, even with people who deal with it themselves.

Return of the Wandering Goddess

Time is not linear. It moves in cycles, like nature, like the universe.

Hethert returns, bringing a promise of sunlight, love, warmth, and prosperity. Do these things ebb and flow? For most of us, yes, they do. Maybe not in reality, but I know that sometimes I feel like I’m lacking any or all of those things.

The return of Hethert reminds me that joy will come back, golden and warm like the sunshine.

Weirdness

I have not been feeling well lately (fibro-wise and depression wise; although it’s likely they go hand-in-hand…) and I’ve been nearly falling asleep during the commute to and from work, and whenever we drive anywhere that’s longer than a 15 minute trip.

Today coming back from running errands, I fell into a weird dream-like state where I was remembering being at Tawy House last November. Set was there, (in Saq through Hemet) and called me up to ask Him what about Him I liked. “Your wife,” I replied. He chuckled. He was glad that I didn’t seem frightened of Him anymore “like the first saq” (my first online saq was with Him…it was intense). I told Him that I didn’t fear Him, but I respected Him, and understood His nature better.

I’ve been having increasing dreams/visions/daydreams of various Netjer speaking to me or showing me things. It’s really weirding me out, because I’ve never had Them be so chatty before. And it’s increasingly coming from Names I don’t know very well. Or I find once we talk that I do. That’s not really the weirdest thing. What’s weird is I have never been a person who heard things from Netjer. I occasionally would get a feeling or picture from Aset, but ever since Wep Ronpet, and especially since the Aset dream things have been a lot more loud and obvious.

I’ve been pondering doubt, skepticism, faith, and what I know to be true after going to the Coronation Retreat, so there’s a possibility of what might be going on (“Hello Wedjbai! We’re in here! Heh, heh!”)

Or, They’ve always been there and I’ve just been a blockhead and not been listening the right way.

It’s just new and rather odd for me. On one hand, I’m can’t say there’s not a kernel of doubt that it’s my imagination, but on the other…the things They say/show are beyond what I would be able give to myself.

(Ooh, and just so it’s clear: I’m not the one driving while this nodding-off is happening!)