I’m trying to sort out what I believe about various things so I can flesh them out and explore them a little more. This is a draft. Continue reading “What I believe: god”
…but I’m not so sure.
I’ve come across some posts from Hemet that go along way in addressing some of the spiritual malaise I’ve been feeling.
A couple of notes of interest (emphasis mine):
We do not have the luxury of omnipotent deities that are either pulling all the foreordained strings anyway, or will “fix it” for us. The gods and goddesses expect us to be responsible children and do what is right, so that the right will return to us and multiply and benefit everyone. Netjer does not intervene in the troubles of mankind not because It doesn’t care, but because It has, in Its wisdom, already provided a mechanism by which Its creation can ultimately check itself: the process of Ma’at.
Wehem: Netjer & Ma’at Shomu III, Week 2, Year 6
…this also doesn’t mean Kemetic Orthodoxy has a naive worldview in which as long as we are faithful and “good” nothing bad will ever happen to us. Being children of Netjer, while the best gift we could ever expect to be given, doesn’t grant immunity from bad times; according to our mythology, even the Names of Netjer Themselves occasionally are affected by the unexpected or the sinister, in the form of the Nameless One, the Uncreated, which is outside the universe and therefore cannot be controlled by Ma’at. Occasionally, it may get in and disrupt, manifesting in “evil” in our lives and our societies.
Wehem: Ma’at & Personal Responsibility Shomu III, Week 3, Year 6
I still have questions, but I’m a lot closer to the answer now that I’ve remembered to look for the answers.
The other issue that has been bothering me is why I feel such a disconnect from Netjer. Usually when it happens I end up realizing that I’m depressed. But I’m not. So why?
An answer came in a post from Hemet in response to some questions from another member of the temple. I can’t quote directly from that area, but to paraphrase, the relationships with the gods grow, change, get comfortable, or distant. The gods aren’t omnipotent, though they seem to be because they are so much more powerful and bigger than us. And silence from the gods isn’t a sign of being forgotten by them, they’re there even if I don’t notice.
I noticed a my posts went “A year without seut” to “The slide into agnosticsm” and I can tell you that is almost definately not a coincidence.
Sometimes it is very hard to believe.
I asked Wesir before falling asleep last night “why did Aset tell me to ask You about Odin?”
“We know about death and changes. You’re a child of changes. You can’t sit still. Everything has to change, or at least come around again. We both sacrificed for something more, and you have, and you will again. But there’s a better way that what you do sometimes. Odin can teach you some of his heka . (He didn’t use the work heka, it was something unintelligible.) You don’t have to. But He is there.“
And, on unrelated notes:
“We’re not just about death and dying. Cycles of life, changes, and growth are Our kingdom. We have more to show you than death.”
“Listen for a message from My Mother…She carries truth.”
“You want to have knowledge even when it’s going to hurt you. Truly, you want to know everything just for the sake of knowing. If you accept responsibility for the pain it may bring you, then you may have it. Don’t ask unless you want to know. Don’t ask if you can’t bear the burden without sharing.”
Upon thinking about my Ren:
“I know your true name. I know everything worth knowing. It’s Mine to keep for now. There may come a time when you need to have it, and you know who to go to for assistance.”
I think They’ve been more talkative in the last year than ever before in my life.
I’ve been casually interested in Asatru for awhile, but the pull to it waxes and wanes. Last night I had a weird dream, that Odin wants….to talk to me, I think.
It started out with an old man who kept telling me “you are called to Odin’s Rite” and “you are called to the Odinrite”. I have no idea if there is a such thing, however.
There was also a raven that kept flying around my head. I said “you’re from Nebthet or Yinepu, They send me crows, too”. It just looked at me sideways and shook its head.
Aset came (as a Voice, not Herself) and said “I speak as the Amentet, seek out Odin and learn what He has to say to you. The raven is not from Us.” I said that I was Her follower and didn’t want to go to someOne else and She said “there’s nothing that can undo that, you are Mine first, then Theirs [meaning my Beloveds; somehow I knew this] forever. Speak to the King if you won’t go to Odin.” I questioned: Hemet? “No. Speak to Wesir, He knows some of what Odin does.”
I woke up abruptly. It was so vivid.
Why would Odin want to talk to me? I think I’ll start with Wesir – I certainly know Him better.
It’s weird though, Odin isn’t one of the Norse deities that I’m most interested in.
Di ronpet Aset Webenut!
The Great, God’s Mother, Lady of Philae,
God’s Wife, God’s Adorer, and God’s Hand,
God’s mother and Great Royal Spouse,
Adornment and Lady of Ornaments of the Palace.
Lady and desire of the green fields,
Nursling who fills the palace with her beauty,
Fragrance of the palace, mistress of joy,
Who completes her course in the Divine Place.
Rain-cloud that makes green the fields when it descends,
Maiden, sweet of love, Lady of Upper and Lower Egypt,
Who issues orders among the divine Ennead,
According to whose command the One rules.
Princess, great of praise, lady of charm,
Whose face enjoys the trickling of fresh myrrh.
Meeting Heru-Wer was amazing.
He answered the questions I’ve had about the two bird-netjeri that Sekhmet told me I have with me at the 2005 Coronation Retreat. He said one was from Him (?!) and the other from “the Red Lady” (Sekhmet). According to Him, they keep me safe.
I thought they were from Aset and Sekhmet, but that was just based on speculation. I’ve never really been able to figure them out. They told me they were around to “make me happy”, but that was two years ago.
I don’t know why I have two netjeri, and why those Names in particular would send them. Sekhmet, I can understand, but Heru? Though I have been wanting to get to know Him better…maybe He wants to know me too?
I’ve been trying to do more to get to know netjeri again. As a kid I’m sure that I communicated with them all the time, naturally. I could always tell the “personality” of trees, plants, flowers, hills, big rocks, ponds, etc. I spoke to them all the time. It’s something that I’ve lost the ability to do as easily as I once did.
Last time we took the dogs for a walk through the forest, my old friend Hemlock tree greeted me.
“Here we are…here we are…we don’t go away.”
I know, they didn’t go away. I did. They’re still there; I just need to bring myself to that place again.